I woke up in a hell of a bad mood today. I didn't get to bed until 3, and the stupid cat cried all night and attempted to sharpen his claws on any and all of my furniture. I'm wondering if maybe he doesn't feel well.

I had dreams that The Wife was drinking again, and something tells me my dream was correct. I've rarely been wrong before.

So, I woke up after 5 hours of sleep thinking I need to go get the rest of my shit out of her house. If only I didn't live on the 3rd floor. Ugh.

What a day. I got all kinds of stuff done today. It was wonderful.

I'm watching Nurse Betty and it sucks.

Today I felt very empowered.

Last night the wife and I went out to dinner. And you know what I thought when I looked across the table at her? I thought, "I really hope you find the 'one' for you. The one that will give you what you're looking for. But, it isn't me."

It scares me. Was is this? Have I made a decision, or is my lack of chemicals fucking with me? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I have an addiction to Slim Jims to attend to.

Peanut is sleeping on her head. It must be bed time.

You know what I love about this web journal? The fact that no one knows that it exists. I can complain about people I know.

My friends are on my last nerve. They are so hard to make plans with. I actually got quite excited today because I made plans for tomorrow. Woo! Granted I'm helping my mom clean out her closets...But still, at least someone made plans. ;) I have one friend in particular who is a constant stream of excuses. No matter what I propose, she has a reason why she can't do it. Ugh.
I put myself out there on match.com, but apparently no one is all that excited about befriending someone separated from her wife. Dude. I'm telling you, I have no drama. Just because I don't live with the wife doesn't mean there is drama. Actually, there is less drama than ever. I love it.

Which brings me to...

I love living alone. Love it. Sometimes I wish there was someone else to pick up some slack, but overall I'm just really happy to have everything under control and predictable. Any mess is my mess. I'm getting things set up the way I want them, and I'm stoked about it. My apartment should look like an adult lives here any day now.

Check out what my kid brother gave to me for Christmas. So incredibly cute. I almost cried. Okay, so maybe I shed a couple of tears.... ;) 

Anyway,

Okay, so anyway....

I've been taking Prozac this time for about a year. I actually stuck to a prescription program. And they say people don't change! Ha!

Now the doctor has diagnosed me as bipolar and prescribed Depakote. Woo! Good times. It's making me insanely hungry. Wake up hungry. Hungry after breakfast...It's a crazy loop of hungriness. Ugh!

I just took my ambian, so I figure I have a few minutes left of decent typing. Or not.

It is my second night not drinking, and I suppose it is not all that bad. I would much rather have alcohol than an ambian. Wait. Not true. Want both.

I feel pretty okay except that I am tired, tired, tired. Yet I don't want to go to bed because I still have a lot of things I want to do tonight. Whatever those things are.

Dude. I had a whole obnoxious rant here about how people need to peddle their damned happiness someplace else, how the Dr. changed my meds, and whatever else I thought of sucks. The doctor also took away my alcohol, so now tell me the that fuck I'm supposed to do to entertain myself?

I feel like I need to go a little deeper before I'm going to come back up. I just don't know if it is better to push down, or ride it out.

And sometimes I walk around my apartment and long for someone to show up at my door and take care of everything. Just whisk me away to a cabin in the mountains where everything is perfect. No lies, no anger. Just happiness. And I wrap my arms around this person's neck and cry because I know everything will be okay.

I need and want that security. I miss not being able to curl up in someone's lap and cry. Nothing beats it.

Anyway, the Ambian has apparently kicked in since the letters on the page are doing a cute little dance for me and I am eating dry noodles from the box. Yummy. I've been thirsty for 30 minutes, but the water is just too far. I suppose when I turn off the lap top I can reach 3 feet over and get me some water. But what I really want is sprite, which is all the way in my kitchen. Ugh. I need someone to take care of me. Ah, yes. That would be grand. :)

Pissed.

Welcome to my new blog.

I had to ditch the old one because...Well, because I'm pissed as a weasel in a blender at pretty much the whole world. Uplifting, no?